My Darling Girl

img_0351My darling girl, it was your birthday today. You announced to me at around 11am you like birthday’s and I could have one too.

Two years have passed since mummy was wailing in agony after being ‘induced’, only to find out it hadn’t actually worked at all. Much to the amusement of daddy, who then got the shock of his life as you were delivered by emergency caesarean. All very dramatic of course.

I knew in that first moment I saw you that you were going to be a special little girl. You see mummy isn’t a soppy mare, I have my moments when puppies are pulled out of wells etc. but on the whole I am more of a grand gesture kind of girl. But I want you to have these words my darling girl, then you can keep them forever.

You see you have changed me. I’m not talking about the four stretch marks I have or the wider hips. But in my heart. I am changing and becoming a better person everyday because of you. You have awoken a place in my heart and soul that I never knew existed. You have made me question it all and at the same time somehow confirmed it all for me.

I see in you bravery and wonder and a true enthusiasm  for life. You have reminded me that in this world of uncertainty and bad leggings there is always something to be excited about. You face all the challenges that life throws at you head on, your resilience is something I am so proud of.

Your ability to not be phased by anything and take it all in your stride is rubbing off on me. Sometimes when I am nervous or scared,  I know you might not believe me but mummies feel this too, I think what would you do. You’d have a quick check that the people who love you are around and you’d go for it. This is what I do and I will continue to do because of you.

When I look at you I feel like I did something right. When I look at you I want to burst with love and kiss you and cuddle you and tell you I love you a million trillion times. You have other ideas however and would rather I sang ‘Miss Polly had a dolly’ a million trillion times.

I would sing it a billion more if means you smile at me like you do.

I asked you the other day who is beautiful and you replied ‘I am’ and my darling girl you are, never ever forget that.

And remember my heart is yours, always x

 

 

 

 

 

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Polyester Junction

Every morning when I leave my drive way I have a few seconds before I reach ‘polyester junction’ I call it this because its irritating and I don’t like it.

This morning was particularly busy for polyester, I can only assume that there was a sale on very expensive handbags or something. Any way, behind me waiting to also carry on her merry way,  was a lady in her car.

No I must make something clear, I had my daughter in the back of my car. The most precious thing to me and I make no apologies about putting her safety first.

After approx. 6 mins sitting at polyester waiting for a gap, merry lady starting dancing, well so I thought. Turns out she was flicking me the finger and shouting things that I care not to repeat on my blog.

This isn’t something I care too much about. But what I do care about is that at that moment in time I had some choices

1, Pull out and get hit by cars either side

2, get out the car and start dancing with her (metaphorically obviously)

3, Do nothing

Merry Lady also had some choices

1, Be patient and show some empathy for the situation at hand

2, flick the finger and shout obscenities

3, Do nothing

I chose to do nothing.

But the situation has played on my mind all day. Mainly I keep thinking to myself , what had happened in that merry lady’s life that morning to make her react like that? and when did we start thinking it is ok to lash out at each other over things that really, aren’t that big a deal. I’ve been  thinking about how I would explain her actions to my daughter (thankfully she was engrossed in her well known farm animal CD at the time). How I would explain that we live in a world were it seems  patience is no longer practiced and we seem to favour taking out our frustrations on others.

I realised that in that moment I wanted her to be on my side, in some kind of sisterhood act.

I wanted us to be nicer to each other.

I want that for the world my daughter lives in.