This was written a few months ago, then some virus happened and I forgot to post it! 💋
Recently I’ve discovered a lady called Gina Hatzis. She is the founder of “Too Much Woman”.
This woman makes me wanna stand up and flash my granny pants and shout
“Put down the wine, someone gets it”
See it all starts when your small. I was labelled “bossy” “loud” “big personality” probably in the education sector, I can remember a teacher saying “just because your loud, doesn’t mean your the best” (hardly the point I was trying to make in a spelling test test but I’m digressing) what on earth is a statement like that supposed to mean!
Let’s move to teenage years, more labels, confident, knew her own mind and formed her own opinion, this meant , family fall outs, being told to let someone else have the limelight, being told by an educator ” sometimes you have to just shut up and put up”
Adulthood , worked out what it is I’m passionate about; stands up when she feels hers -or others- voices need to be heard. Knows my rights and my own responsibilities.
troublemaker, grass, argumentative , opinionated , one to watch (not in a upcoming star way either lol) bitch , too loud, slag, know it all, selfish , big mouth, full of it, I can’t even be bothered to go on.
You see then this amazing lady gives it the title “too much woman”. And I feel like yes, yes, fucking yes! I am too much. And I surround my self with people who are also too much and they make me more too much!
I too have too much everything for everyone, too much breast tissue, too much personality , too much excitement , too much opinions (ok I know that isn’t grammatically correct but I can’t help it!) too much knowledge , too much courage, too much fight in me, too many ideas, too much strength , too much I do not give a shit what you think of me as long as I am true to myself.
Which is highly ironic , as I found myself in a situation yesterday where for the first time in a long time , I wasn’t too much. A conversation from a colleague , it wasn’t a conversation at all she was getting an undeserved bollocking- I was quiet. I said ok, yes , even when I knew it needed challenging . I should have stood up and said no. I came home and I felt like I’ve not felt since they sold out of my size in the Topshop “”Galaxy ” dress circa 2002- beaten.
And I’m sorry to you. I’m sorry I wasn’t too much. I’m sorry for the first time in about 30 years, I didn’t stand up and be too much on your behalf.
You see sometimes being too much: is too much. It’s too much for your own brain.
There are thoughts that you know are going to be put in words and those words are going to come out all wrong. Well the words will be right, but let’s say the vocabulary will be wrong. I guess I censored myself.
I didn’t like it, I never want to feel like that again. So not only am I apologising to you, I am apologising to myself.
I am too much, I am too much courage and I am too much fight. And I promise never to be not too much again. Xx