The Cloak of Invisibility

Before we can ride the stormy sea of acceptance and stop the self loathing I guess I should take you back to the start. I’ve never been what I would describe as a `Top shop` girl, skinny jeans and uber fashion sense but someone once described me as a better side of average and I took that and ran. Confidence was never an issue and when I look back on my twenties I think I bordered on being a bit arrogant and a bit fabulous. You see when your happy in your skin and you look in the mirror and give yourself an 8 out of 10 you conduct yourself differently. I had just the right balance of cheek, flirt and down right nerve. Now this my darlings had its up side, free drinks , never having to carry heavy shopping, the IT desk on call at work to name a few.
Don’t get me wrong it has its down sides but at my current beach ball state I’m finding it hard to recall.
Then the pounds began to pile on, and I found no one was telling me I looked nice anymore, no compliments, it was harder to get someone to help with a heavy box and when you look in the mirror and your fake tan doesn’t even fit any more you know that the cloak of invisibility has really wrapped it’s ugly , polyester beige arms around you and got you for life. (3 years 2 months for me now)
Your clothes become boring, baggy and teamed with leggings and your make up once so treasured seems pointless, I switched from high end brands of everything to the cheapest I could find ( although seriously this didn’t last long) A friend said to me only recently ` I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wearing flat shoes for so long` yes and this my reader is the cruelest trick of all the cloak of invisibility prohibits the wearing of stilettos. My once wardrobe staple. Because after all fat people fall of stilettos right?
It’s this invisibility I that consumes you, and I’m sure I’ll loose a few feminist friends here, but I liked being wolf whistled at. I liked being visible and people giving me compliments and I loved being fabulous!
I want it back ……….

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