The Procedure

 

Since  my last post seems like a lifetime ago I’ll start with the positive, I’m 3lbs down. This feels like a small victory to me especially as I have managed to keep it off!! I have to be honest I haven’t been exactly dieting. I did start a well known slimming group and have stuck to it loosely. But I think the major changing point has been that Walkers have stopped making my favourite crisps. Is it wrong that I felt like crying? Or should I be grateful that temptation has been removed!

However this isn’t the only change this month. I ,the fatty queen ,have started Pilates. Now this in itself is making me laugh out loud for several reasons.

One being my physique doesn’t exactly lend itself to the typical image of a slight and muscular goddess bending and stretching her self into fruitful harmony and two my instructor has taken it upon herself to guide and support me through the class due to `my procedure`.

Alas my procedure is the Caesarean section I had over 14 months ago. Naughtily I have led said Pilates instructor to believe this was a mere few months ago and I ashamedly won’t be correcting her anytime soon. So what does this entail you may ask, what does this mean? Well it means simply I am now the member of the group with an additional need, someone who needs speaking to in a soft voice and someone who the whole Pilates class now looks at with `ah bless` eyes and a hint of patronisation.

I feel bad of course I do, my Pilates instructor is kind and dedicated and has a genuine desire to help women get back into shape after babies but I just can’t tell her the truth that I am too fat to bend. It’s not my bloody caesarean that stops me rolling around and touching my toes it’s my fat! It’s the Chinese I had before the session (this happened once and as I had a bit of a windy issue throughout the whole hour it won’t be something I will ever repeat!) my fat rolls kind of get trapped and I can’t move or bend and she will come over all nice as pie and say `you’ll get there you’ve had a major procedure ` whilst signalling to my vagina…….

and so it rumbles on, I asked my friend who comes with me what I should do and she calmly said that maybe people think I’ve had a tummy tuck! Maybe that explains the pity in there eyes, they are thinking oh love go and get your money back. For now at least I’m just going to keep stretching and maybe one day I won’t be the `girl who had the porcedure`

x

 

 

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